I Want To
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- Category: Blog
- Published on Monday, 08 August 2011 13:14
- Written by Madison
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This morning as I was reading my Bible, I came across what long ago became one of my very favorite stories in the New Testament. This is it:
Jesus had just picked His disciples and He was in the early stages of His public ministry. As He was just walking along in one of the villages, He met a man with an advanced case of leprosy. The New Living Translation says “When the man saw Jesus, he fell to the ground, face down in the dust, begging to be healed. ‘Lord,’ he said, ‘if You want to, You can make me well again.’ Jesus reached out and touched the man. ‘I want to,’ He said. “Be healed!’ And instantly the leprosy disappeared.” (Luke 5:12-13)
Every time I read those words I just nearly cry. There is an indescribable beauty in the way Jesus handled that situation, and such a calming peace in those five simple words He spoke to that desperate man.
This morning as I read it again I stopped and thought about it. Why does this inelaborate little story mean so much to me? It didn’t take long for my answer to come and when it did, I was captivated by an incredible sense of hope.
Seems like more often than not I feel like hanging my head and telling everyone I meet, “Hello. My name is Madison, but please just call me ‘Failure’. Or ‘Loser’- that’s fine, too. Which ever you’d prefer- it doesn’t matter to me.” I have an advanced case of a disease called sin that has been, ever since birth, slowly but surely taking me over and adversely affecting the way I live every day. Some days I just feel stuck. I know He said that He would finish the work He started in me, but it’s so tempting to think I’m an exception; it all depends on if I can get myself straight or not first. Or maybe I believe that He will finish the work in me, but it will just take a LONG long time, and it will probably just barely be finished by the time I die- like, really cutting it close. Perfection just seems like a goal that is way far off sometimes. But-hey- He said I’ll get there, and He doesn’t lie, so I guess I will get there....eventually... one day..... but not today.
But if I’m content to stay like that, I know I’ll be completely torn apart. That’s not how I want to be! NO! Deep down in my soul, I’m sick of the sinful nature and I long to be free from it. Right along with Paul I’m saying-”I know I am rotten through and through so far as my old sinful nature is concerned. No matter which way I turn, I can’t make myself do right. I want to, but I can’t. When I want to do good, I don’t. And when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway. But if I am doing what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing it; the sin within me is doing it. It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another law at work within me that is at war with my mind. This law wins the fight and makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin?” (Romans 7:18-24). I could stop there and just live a deficient life, never experiencing the fulness of the abundant life Christ died to give me, OR, I could choose to read on to the next two verses and discover what Paul concluded and I, too, could claim this victory- “Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Chris our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. For the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you through Christ Jesus from the power of sin that leads to death.” (Romans 7:25, 8:1,2) .......................WOW!
So here I am; face down in the dust, totally overtaken and defeated by the power sin, and I look up into those same gentle eyes that met the eyes of the leper 2000 years ago and I see the same calming peace mixed with an inexpressible power. In desperation I beg Him to heal me- to- please!- have mercy on me and deliver me from the overwhelming power of sin that controls me. “Jesus! Change me! Please deliver me from the power of sin so I can walk after the Spirit and not after the flesh. I want to overcome- I don’t want to sin! Be my cure! Please, Lord- Oh, please don’t give up on me! Lord, if You want to, I know You can heal me.....”
Patiently He waits on me to exhaust my vocabulary and stop for a breath and then I see Him reaching out His hand to touch the deepest part of my desperate soul. I hear His voice, low and clear, and the sweetness of the words He declares are enough to carry me on wings of ecstasy until eternity.................. “I want to.”
And I am healed.
Copyright ©2009 Madison Berkemeyer
